Tag Archives: Esquire

“Brad Pitt’s Life is Larger Than Yours”

11 Jun

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That’s the title of the photo-set for Brad Pitt’s latest interview with Esquire, titled “A Life So Large.” First of all – rude, Esquire! I’m offended by your implication that reality-TV-watching, wine-drinking, and looking at pictures of animals on the Internet does not a large life make. Personal offense aside, these titles are perfectly in sync with the messaging that Brad Pitt has been successfully putting out to the public the past few years.

Talking Point #1: Brad’s life/love with Angelina is like TOTALLY DEEP, you guys! I’m pretty indifferent about the Angelina v. Jennifer debate, but Brad and Angelina (I’ll give a full rundown of Angelina’s obvious personality makeover in another post) are a bit irritating to me as a couple. They’re like the Brooklyn hipsters who eyeroll you while they explain that they don’t own a TV and talk about their CSA. Enough! I get it! You feel a lot of feelings.

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Talking Point #2: HE LOVES ART. Specifically, uninterrupted lines. He has an “aesthetic.” Isn’t this just like saying “I have a personality”? Everyone’s got one, it doesn’t mean yours is good.

Talking Point #3: He is a citizen of the world! Not that people can’t change (maybe he went and picked up a PHD in international conflict management between movies?), but if we hop into the gossip time machine, we’ll remember that he once said:

“You shouldn’t speak until you know what you’re talking about. That’s why I get uncomfortable with interviews. Reporters ask me what I feel China should do about Tibet. Who cares what I think China should do? I’m a f*cking actor! They hand me a script. I act. I’m here for entertainment.”

A clear way he achieves this overall messaging is by contrasting his new, smart, artsy, FEELINGSY life with his old, dead, “pathetic” life. The fact that the old life was with Jennifer Aniston and is the subject of the most famous celebrity love triangle of the modern era is totally just a coincidence! If the quotes are picked up by more news sources because of this very implication, well that’s not his fault or intention! Don’t play that game with me, Brad! Or, at least, let’s not pretend that this isn’t strategic.

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p.s. I’m at a loss about how his self-diagnosis as a sufferer of prosopagnosia in the article plays into this, except for providing another opportunity to talk about his LOVE FOR ART: “I can’t grasp a face and yet I come from such a design/aesthetic point of view.” Perhaps the fact that he has a rare syndrome just confirms what a unique snowflake he is? Brad, I match your eyeroll and raise you a B*TCH PLEASE.

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