
CCPhoto by: http://www.dirtywhorelebrity.com
CCPhoto by: http://www.dirtywhorelebrity.com
For some reason, the story that the media has wanted to tell about Jennifer Aniston ever since Brad left her for that VIXEN MAN-STEALER Angelina is that she is unlucky in love (but dreaming of marrying again!), still not over Brad, desperate for a baby, etc., etc. Ladies all around the world let out a collective sigh of relief when Jen finally found love with Justin Theroux, who was willing to put a (hideous, giant) ring on it and impregnate her (fingers crossed!!!!). Because really, the Housewives of America can’t imagine that anyone wouldn’t want the lives they lead.
To which I say: excuse me ladies, but a lot of rich, hot, hard-bodied stars probably have no interest in monogamy and Bumbos. Has anyone ever really stopped to think whether Jen might just be happy dating a slew of hotties since Brad? While he has been busy humanitiarianizing (not a word, but should be), she has been drinking skinny margs in Cabo with an array of dudes I probably wouldn’t kick out of bed (except Gerard Butler. And probably John Mayer. But to each her own).
This past week, the tabloids are starting to shout about how her “wedding is on hold!” She is “pregnant and alone!” While I have to admit that where there’s smoke there’s usually fire on these types of stories (probably not the pregnant part), why do we collectively have to victimize her? I’m not underestimating Jen. They’ll break up I’m sure, but because she found another hotter, richer dude to sunbathe with. It’s been real, Justin!
Celebrity gift registries – yay or nay? I am against gift registries in general, which means I’m also always the resident curmudgeon at all things bridal. The idea of requesting (demanding?) specific items from one’s guests (and, of course, knowing exactly how much they spent on you if one were inclined to do the math) just totally gives me the icks. Not to mention, the registry is proof of the receiver’s total expectation that the givers will, actually, be giving. For anyone interested in the subject, Rebecca Mead’s excellent book, One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding, is a great read (American couples registered for $9 BILLION worth of gifts on registries in 2006. $9 BILLION!).
With that said, I’m not sure that I feel any sort of specific ickiness to celebrity registries, though I think there are many who do. On one hand, why should we apply higher standards to celebrities – really, based on experience we should be applying lower standards pretty much across the board. On the other hand, why are the girls who have everything, and the money to buy whatever they don’t, asking for additional things (instead of, perhaps, donations to their favorite charities)? Before writing this post, I presumed that I would have a timely topic: Kim Kardashian, patron saint of brand new Baby Yeezus, was sure to have an outrageous baby registry, right?! See excerpts from her crazy wedding registry here. Alas, it appears from reports that K&K may have actually refused gifts. I guess we have to wait until their wedding. Please, please gossip saints, deliver unto us a gift registry replete with solid gold, diamond-encrusted, Yeezus on a K-shaped cross teething rings!
Instead, we have to appease ourselves with Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler’s wedding registries for our first celebrity registry look.
According to the Huffington Post, the recently married couple registered at Crate & Barrel and Williams-Sonoma – just like us common folk! Although their total was about 3 times as much as the average wedding registry ($14,500 compared to $5,000), they registered for the same useless crap that the proletarians do.
Have you ever found yourself brushing your pastries, and curse the gods, thinking – IF ONLY I had a 1.5 inch brush?! My 1 inch brush is too, too small, and my 2 inch brush is just too, too big?? Well, no, neither have I. But presumably Goldilocks Cavallari has.
An $80 “firestarter” (um, I feel fancy if I use one of those trigger things instead of a match)? Of course, dahlinks!