Archive | Reality TV RSS feed for this section

Thanks for Nothing, Dourtney

2 Nov

20131102-155626.jpgCourtneyStodden on Twitter

Guys. What’s the opposite of a Christmas miracle?! A HALLOWEEN TRAGEDY. Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison have split. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the greatest love story of our time, Courtney, a young ingenue who is as pure as the driven snow, married Doug, a worldly and suave lesbian, when she was 16 and he was 50, and swept us all away in their love affair.

I also watched every episode of their season of Couples Therapy with bated breath (ALSO remember when Alex McCord bit it storming away from the pool?). The guy from The Dirty and the girl from that British guy’s season of the Bachelor were so jealous of their love, but I think I can say the rest of us were inspired.

The most tragic part, however, is that I’ve been ruminating on a Courtney-Doug Halloween couples ‘stume for years and now I’ll never EVEN GET TO DO IT! I even had a plan to recreate her eggplant tinted boob balls.

I guess a fire that burns that hot must engulf itself eventually. Vigil at 9 tonight.

Advertisements

Breaking News: Katharine McPhee is not smart!

26 Oct

20131026-231504.jpgCC photo by b r e n t on Flickr

This week, one of my all time FAVE gossip situations happened – dumb tricks getting caught on film!! I doubt the Katharine McPhee story will engender in me the gossip passion that the LeAnn/Eddie pics ignited (mostly because I don’t know anything about her, or him, or the spouses, and she’s not likely to reward us with public Twitter hissy fits), but it thrills me nonetheless.

As I’m sure you’ve heard, Katharine was caught on camera smooching her Smash director. It seems she may be separated from her husband but the smoochee is probably definitely a dirty cheater, since he immediately got kicked right to the curb by his wife. The most interesting part of the story to me is what the inside source said of Katharine’s reaction – she’s “embarrassed” she “GOT CAUGHT.” Ugh, inside source, you really whiffed it for your girl. The moms of America want to hear that you’re home flagellating yourself and throwing your chastity belt key into the ocean, not the truth.

I think probably most of us don’t care too much about this particular saga, but I care a lot whenever a celebrity is dumb enough to get caught on film doing something shady. It’s like catching Bigfoot! Even the biggest train wrecks usually have their ish tight enough to avoid clear photographic evidence. It’s only the biggest messes who get caught, which means that is a mess we want to keep watching. Bring it on, Katharine and whathisname and whathisname’s wife – I’m watching!

Lamar and Khloe: True Love Dies

29 Aug
How could this love die?

How could this love die?

Question: If we can’t count on Khloe and Lamar, a professional athlete and reality star who knew each other for one month before getting married, to make it – who can in this crazy world?! Answer: basically anyone else, so wipe that shocked/sad look off of your faces!

There have been rumors for quite a while now that there’s been trouble in Lam-Lam paradise, with allegations that Lamar has been stepping out on Khloe with a bevvy of ladies, including this “entrepreneur.” (Side note: please, please tell me what entrepreneurial venture this woman is spearheading. I mean really.). My general gossip philosophy is that, at a certain point at least, where there’s smoke there’s fire. Also – see PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE AND REALITY STAR DATING FOR ONE MONTH, above. I believed it from the very beginning, obviously. This past week or so, the stories intensified, including random drug allegations! (I have to admit that part was surprising, although my sports-obsessed guy told me to discount the “evidence” that he isn’t being re-signed by the Clippers. Apparently that was going to happen anyway. I love the few occasions our interests align! We may even have slightly more of a chance to make it than Khloe and Lammy!) Anyway, looks like it’ll be a done deal soon.

The more interesting question is why it seems so many people have ignored the obvious signs that they were NEVER going to make it and are shocked and/or upset by this news. Our age-old desire to believe in love at first sight? People rooting for the “fat” sister? The baby talk? The tattoos?

Could be turned into a nice butterfly?

Could be turned into a nice butterfly?

It can’t be the tattoos, or we all would’ve been rooting for Britney and Kevin and lord knows that’s not the case. Beats the hell out of me, but mop up those tears and soldier on, people!

Candidly Nicole

11 Jul

image

Don’t you hate it when your boyfriend is driving you 6 hours back from July 4 vacation and you catch up on all of your regular gossip sites on your iPhone and are TOTALLY BORED?? It’s practically like living in a third world country. Since I couldn’t possibly think thoughts or converse with him, I had to expand my mind and look for other online entertainment. To this end, I stumbled upon Candidly Nicole, a “show” on AOL On (AOL is still a thing? A show based on a Twitter feed? I don’t understand this world anymore). To my delight, catching up on the several 5 minute videos carried me through an hour of North Carolina.

While I was watching, I ruminated on all things Nicole. If you watch the show (or follow her on Twitter), you’ll realize that she is smart, funny, cute, and completely likeable. And this is coming from me, who thinks most celebrities are practically brain dead. I would totally be her friend! My problem, though, is squaring that with this:

image

And the fact that she was best friends with worthless Paris Hilton.

And married to a guy who seems kind of boring/embarrassing?

image

My mind doesn’t like to be confused, so I’ll just have to chalk it up to poor youthful (in)decisions and stop thinking about it. I suppose we all made them. If the world could’ve seen my angsty AIM away messages, skater BoI-friends, and my head full of butterfly clips, I guess that would be kinda hard for me to move on from, too.

Scott Disick as Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman: Blasphemy!

19 Jun

ScottDisick

Guys. Have you watched Kanye’s American Psycho “short film,” (so now he’s a rapper, a poet, a god, and a film producer, if you’re keeping score) starring Scott Disick? If not, please go here and come back with your thoughts ready. You made need to take a slug of your Franzia to get through it.

Painful, right? My face is hurting from cringing so hard. And my brain is hurting from how confused I now feel about Keeping Up With the Kardashians. I have taken it for granted that the show is “acted” and “scripted,” a la the Hills. (Sidenote: Remember how sad you were when you realized the Hills were a lie? I’m still reeling). Recall the paparrazzi shots of Kim and Kris filming reshoots? Holding suspiciously script-like papers?

But seeing Scott’s performance in this, I’m having a hard time reconciling my belief about the veracity (or lack thereof) of the show with this video. Maybe he’s just only talented as acting as himself? I’m not even sure I could convincingly act as myself. Does that mean the Kardashians, et. al, are… gulp… talented? I need to go lay down.

For the Girls Who Have Everything…

17 Jun
CC photo by myalexis on Flickr

CC photo by myalexis on Flickr

Celebrity gift registries – yay or nay? I am against gift registries in general, which means I’m also always the resident curmudgeon at all things bridal. The idea of requesting (demanding?) specific items from one’s guests (and, of course, knowing exactly how much they spent on you if one were inclined to do the math) just totally gives me the icks. Not to mention, the registry is proof of the receiver’s total expectation that the givers will, actually, be giving. For anyone interested in the subject, Rebecca Mead’s excellent book, One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding, is a great read (American couples registered for $9 BILLION worth of gifts on registries in 2006. $9 BILLION!).

With that said, I’m not sure that I feel any sort of specific ickiness to celebrity registries, though I think there are many who do. On one hand, why should we apply higher standards to celebrities – really, based on experience we should be applying lower standards pretty much across the board. On the other hand, why are the girls who have everything, and the money to buy whatever they don’t, asking for additional things (instead of, perhaps, donations to their favorite charities)? Before writing this post, I presumed that I would have a timely topic: Kim Kardashian, patron saint of brand new Baby Yeezus, was sure to have an outrageous baby registry, right?! See excerpts from her crazy wedding registry here. Alas, it appears from reports that K&K may have actually refused gifts. I guess we have to wait until their wedding. Please, please gossip saints, deliver unto us a gift registry replete with solid gold, diamond-encrusted, Yeezus on a K-shaped cross teething rings!

Instead, we have to appease ourselves with Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler’s wedding registries for our first celebrity registry look.

CC photo by Nick Step on Flickr

CC photo by Nick Step on Flickr

According to the Huffington Post, the recently married couple registered at Crate & Barrel and Williams-Sonoma – just like us common folk! Although their total was about 3 times as much as the average wedding registry ($14,500 compared to $5,000), they registered for the same useless crap that the proletarians do.

Sometimes you just NEED a 1.5 inch pastry brush!

Sometimes you just NEED a 1.5 inch pastry brush!

Have you ever found yourself brushing your pastries, and curse the gods, thinking – IF ONLY I had a 1.5 inch brush?! My 1 inch brush is too, too small, and my 2 inch brush is just too, too big?? Well, no, neither have I. But presumably Goldilocks Cavallari has.

Matches are for cavepeople!

Matches are for cavepeople!

An $80 “firestarter” (um, I feel fancy if I use one of those trigger things instead of a match)? Of course, dahlinks!

My Favorite Love Triangle Coming to TV? Please, please, please!

6 Jun

leann

Last week, it was reported that LeAnn Rimes & Eddie Cibrian were thinking about doing a reality tv show. I presume the news was met with a resounding “meh” worldwide. However, THIS gossip geek was totally amped because the LeAnn-Eddie-Brandi is my FAVORITE love triangle of all time and definitely one of my top 10 gossip stories to follow. You’re thinking poor gossip taste on my part, right? Maybe you just aren’t looking at it the right way: this story represents everything I loved about high school gossip – and the people are prettier! And rich (kinda?)! With access to (and prone to overuse of) social media! What could be better?

First, the origins: the fact that LeAnn and Eddie got caught on CAMERA hitting the hourly hotel (or restaurant, same thing) is a gossip diamond in the rough. Basically every other somewhat intelligent celebrity keeps their dirty dealings on lockdown and we’ll never know. A voyeur’s dream.

Second, LeAnn STILL HASN’T LEARNED to keep her shit together, and we usually don’t have the benefit of seeing a celebrity’s low self esteem in such stark relief. She reminds me of the girl who was kinda busted through sophomore year, and suddenly developed over the summer and got her braces off or whatever and pulled the hottest senior guy. Now all the popular girls hate her but she CAN’T STOP TRYING/CARING/UGLY DUCKLING’ING. LeAnn – you’d be so much cooler without all of the TRY. You’re super hot now and you won the “prize,” so just chill. Please.

Awkward phase.

Awkward phase.

On a related note, she doesn’t realize that the hottest guy in school is actually kind of a dumb loser with no prospects who is definitely, definitely going to cheat on her with the next summer-camp makeover recipient. Highschool girl fight over garbage! Love it.

He's probably staring at a nineteen year old in a bikini.

He’s probably staring at a nineteen year old in a bikini.

<

%d bloggers like this: