Archive | October, 2013

Breaking News: Katharine McPhee is not smart!

26 Oct

20131026-231504.jpgCC photo by b r e n t on Flickr

This week, one of my all time FAVE gossip situations happened – dumb tricks getting caught on film!! I doubt the Katharine McPhee story will engender in me the gossip passion that the LeAnn/Eddie pics ignited (mostly because I don’t know anything about her, or him, or the spouses, and she’s not likely to reward us with public Twitter hissy fits), but it thrills me nonetheless.

As I’m sure you’ve heard, Katharine was caught on camera smooching her Smash director. It seems she may be separated from her husband but the smoochee is probably definitely a dirty cheater, since he immediately got kicked right to the curb by his wife. The most interesting part of the story to me is what the inside source said of Katharine’s reaction – she’s “embarrassed” she “GOT CAUGHT.” Ugh, inside source, you really whiffed it for your girl. The moms of America want to hear that you’re home flagellating yourself and throwing your chastity belt key into the ocean, not the truth.

I think probably most of us don’t care too much about this particular saga, but I care a lot whenever a celebrity is dumb enough to get caught on film doing something shady. It’s like catching Bigfoot! Even the biggest train wrecks usually have their ish tight enough to avoid clear photographic evidence. It’s only the biggest messes who get caught, which means that is a mess we want to keep watching. Bring it on, Katharine and whathisname and whathisname’s wife – I’m watching!

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Glorious Kimye!

22 Oct
Kimkardashian on Instagram

Kimkardashian on Instagram

So, everyone everywhere has heard that our glorious prophet Yeezus and his very own Mary Magdalene have made it official. Yeah, that’s right, we’re getting biblical and it’s actually amazing how right that is, now that I think about it. Kanye has already clarified that he is our messiah, so I think we can all quickly agree on that. But I did some research (i.e., read exactly one Wikipedia article) and there are some stunning comparisons between Kim and Jesus’s groupie, Mary. Jesus cast out seven demons from MM and Kanye has done the same for Kim! To name just a few:

1. De-prostituted!: some scholars think MM may have been the Julia Roberts to Jesus’s Richard Gere. But now, KK will never have to be golden showered on video again because we all know Kanye isn’t interested in that mess (by “that mess,” I mean ladies).

2. Barbie Makeover!: Kanye sashayed right into Kim’s closet and fashion mavened the shit out of it. If you don’t like it you just don’t get it, peasant!

3. Literal exorcism!: some reports say that Kanye hasn’t been feeling Kris and will soon cull Kim from the Kardashian herd. If true, I have no doubt that he will ultimately rid Kim of Zuul for good.

Good for you, Kim Magdalene! You win your second baseball-sized engagement ring and a psychotic despot!

Unrelated post-script: His desperate addition of “E”s in his marry meeeeeee sign will keep me in cringes for the rest of the evening.

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