Miley Cyrus. And Miley Cyrus’s Tonsils.

26 Aug

I’ve been wanting to post about Miley for a while, and I couldn’t ignore it any longer after her performance at last night’s VMAs. Woof, Miley. If the Smith family is appalled, it’s time to reevalute your choices.

Willow will whip her hair at you, gurl.

Willow will whip her hair at you, gurl.

Last night everyone on social media was yelling about how ridiculous and out of control she is. While her latest steeze gives me quite a few cringes, I’ve had a soft spot for her ever since I watched an interesting documentary about her life (by “interesting documentary,” I mean “E! True Hollywood Story”). My takeaway was that she is a fun-loving, spontaneous kind of lady who doesn’t mind making a fool of herself. I can get behind that, so I’ve been willing to forgive a lot of her twerking craziness lately, even if her arthouse-wannabe video for We Can’t Stop made me want to kill myself. And, as I’ve discussed here before, let us not forget how embarrassed we’d be if some of our youth’s phases were immortalized for the world to see and dissected by everyone (see, every style choice I made in the 90s. Thanks for nothing Blossom and Clarissa Explains It All).

Of course, our society of He-Man Woman Haters also can’t resist talking about her latest changes in the context of her relationship with Liam Hemsworth. She’s acting out because he doesn’t love her anymore! He doesn’t love her anymore because she’s acting out! They’re growing apart because she’s not the girl he fell in love with! He is aghast that his wholesome love has been replaced with a short-haired HIDEOUS BEAST-FREAK interested in urban culture. People. Let’s not be stupid. They got engaged when she was 19. If you were placing bets on this lasting, well, I don’t know what to tell you. Time to get out of the gossip biz.

So Miley, I won’t file you in my impending-spiral category yet, even with the drastic hair changes. But please, please for the love of God put your tongue back in your mouth. Liam thinks that’s even less attractive than your lesbian haircut.

Is this a deformity of some sort?

Is this a deformity of some sort?

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