The Blank Stare

I’m Gonna Sit at the Welcome Table

Guys … can we talk about Scientology for a quick sec? Also, a million points for anyone who has seen the Strangers with Candy Episodes, “The Blank Stare,” in which Jerri joins a cult. Of COURSE I’m not alleging that Scientology is a cult, just felt like talking about that.

I’ve been wanting to shout about Scientology for a while, and it seems timely on the heels of Leah Remini’s announcement that she was leaving the cul…er, religion. Religion based on a nerd’s sci-fi novel. A religion that allows a bunch of other nerds to work on developing SUPER POWERS. I mean, I just can’t. I’ve long wondered what the appeal must be, and how a bunch of otherwise sophisticated (sophisticated in the sense that they have access to information and the best of everything, rather than sophisticated in behavior) and wealthy famous people could all be convinced to sign up with these nut jobs. I mean, these aren’t uneducated, backwater country folk forming a militia in the woods.

Thinking long and hard about it, I can only assume that Scientology must offer something that appeals to a character trait that these celebrities have in common. So, the question arises – what character trait do most celebrities have in common? A heavy dose of narcissism, big egos, and underlying insecurity, of course. So basically I’m just picturing that behind the Scientology scenes, David Miscavige is telling Tom Cruise, et al., about how with a few years of auditing and millions of dollars, their inherent abilities to read minds, levitate, and whatever other stupid superpower they want (because being rich and famous just isn’t sufficient) can be realized. Because they’re SPECIAL and DIFFERENT from the rest of us normal folks who would just get totally creeped out by this loser:

CC photo by: Scientology Media on Flickr

So basically, Scientologists are a bunch of insecure nerds who like to get together to talk about whether they’ll go to a locker room or a bank first once their minions finish up their invisibility cloaks. Which would be funny, except in the meantime, MISCAVIGE’S WIFE IS (allegedly) MISSING AND NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Am I taking crazy pills?! Leah, I’m glad you’re getting out and not “shutting up”, but maybe you should, um, call the police or something? Just a thought.

Update: Well, what do you know? She filed a missing persons report. Attagirl.

Tags: Amy Sedaris, David Miscavige, Jerri Blank, Leah Remini, Scientology, Shelly Miscavige, Strangers with Candy, Tom Cruise